The Importance of Being

This week's been a pretty tight week, and a lot of stress was to be handled. I've been busy handling all that stress, but this week has meant more to me than any other weeks I spent, but somehow it felt like it all went down the drain. I was on the bus when I started writing this.

I considered it pretty good luck to have started a blog, done some difficult writing related tasks, and joined multiple wrtiting competitions. None of these things were forced on me, I went after them, seeking them. I said yes to all the tasks that needed writing, and I joined every single competition there was. It's not the first time I've been stressing, but it's the first time that I've had to do so much work that I actually wanted to finish, instead of whatever random subject homework or something. The stress was building up, but I told myself that if I could get through this week, I could prove that I could make it. I had what it took, and all that jazz.

What I realzed in that week, was something that I didn't want to go away. In working on so many things, I began to be important to the people revolving around that work, they depended on me to finish, and I thought I could deliver. So, I was stoked, really.

This week, I had three things to hand in on the same deadline. I did little by little every day of the week, but I somehow miscalculated the time or something, and ended up rushing to finish stuff. On deadline day, I was still just "almost finished" with practically everything. But I was prepared to do something about it, or accept the consequences or whatever. By the end of the day, I was... unmarked by the deadlines. What happened was, one deadline was postponed to the next month, which left me with an "O" shaped mouth going on there, and the next one was postponed voluntary by the person in charge. The last one however, was not postponed. Instead, someone else reached my deadline for me. I did not like that.

After a while though, I started thinking about it. And I kind of knew that I wanted that to happen, I wanted to postpone the deadlines, or have someone reach them for me. In some strange and bizzare way, I even knew that that "mutation" of deadlines were going to happen. I could feel these things happening, you know?

And then, I started to feel all weird inside. I didn't want to be the guy who wanted to need to postpone deadlines, if that even makes any sense. I simply wanted to be that person who could take a deadline and reach it. Which I will be doing, from now on.

Now here's the other thing. Being that person who is involved in a lot of things means getting noticed by the people surrounding your work, as I already mentioned. But it's like a temporary gig, you know? When it's all over... it's like, they forget, or something. You go back into the darkness, and you're left with yourself. That's what I was thinking of in the bus. I spent my whole week thinking about all the work I needed to finish, that I was able to forget my thoughts. Even on the bus, I had to think of the work that needed finishing. But now, I really had nothing that needed thinking, just a want to think or daydream. And the thing I was left with was, I was the guy who simply thinks.

"Don't leave me with yourself," I heard myself thinking. God, I was depressing. Can you believe it?

There I was, on the bus. I was left alone, no deadlines to reach, nothing to work with. I was left with... my thoughts. And I wondered what it would be like, to be left alone like this for a very long time.

-J